An American Abroad

Happy Spring Vegetable!

It’s the start of Spring Festival here in China, a week-long holiday period that celebrates the lunar new year. It seems like Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s all rolled into one.

The streets of Yuxi were very busy this morning at 7:30 and were absolutely jammed this evening at 8:30. There are long lines of people at the checkout counters of grocery stores and other retail outlets. Fruitsellers have stacked boxes of produce so high along the sidewalks that the effect is like walking through a canyon. Firecrackers go off at random times and places. Everyone seems to be in a good mood as they make preparations to spend time with family and friends. Millions of people are traveling; this is the largest annual migration of homo sapiens on the planet.

I taught my students at Shane English Yuxi how to say “Happy Spring Festival!” today. Some of the younger ones got confused and wished me “Happy Spring Hospital” and “Happy Spring Vegetable.” I kind of liked that. My last class let out at 5:40 and I now have an eleven day vacation before me

Unfortunately, I’ll miss the Chinese celebration of the holiday. Bangladesh beckons. So Happy Spring Vegetable, one and all!

If my students won the lottery . . .

Last week’s diary assignment for my twelve-year-olds at Shane English Yuxi was to write an essay about what they would do if they won the lottery. There were some sweet, some savage, and some surprising responses.

From Kevin:

If I won the lottery, I will have a lot of money, so it’s hard to say what I want to do. Maybe I will help people who need help. I will give most of money to my parents. I think they gave me life, so they deserve it.

From [name redacted, a female student]:

First, I’d buy a big mansion because my mother loves mansions. Next, I’d buy a forest, because my father wants to be an explorer. . . . Finally, I would go to Japan and kill the Japanese president.”

From Ruby:

I think this is a difficult question because usually the lotteries I’ve won were ¥1 or ¥10. In my view, ¥10 isn’t small. So my plan is ¥3 is to buy some crisps, cookies, and milk; ¥4 can buy some magazines; ¥1 can buy a pen; and another ¥2 I will save in a box. Then I can buy cookies again!

From Ewan:

I would buy a mansion, a good robot, and a big bed. On Sunday, my robot would become me and go to Shane English School so I can continue to sleep.

From Nancy:

If I won the lottery, first I’d buy a big mansion. Next I’d travel to Europe to see the Arc de Triomphe, The Eiffel Tower, and Big Ben. After that, I’d write a novel. Next I’d send mother and father to a tropical island so they can swim every day. Then last, I’d give away the rest of my money.

From Windays:

First, I’d buy a mansion and an Aston Martin. Then I’d get a nanny to cook dinner and do my homework. They I’d buy a computer. I’d play computer games every day. Then I’d drive around the world. My life would be very different.

Cursed Without Knowing It?

I had a strange intercultural exchange recently with one of my Shane English Yuxi students and his father.

At the end of every class, we do an “exit drill,” which means that the students line up and have to ask or answer something before leaving the classroom. In my class of twelve-year-olds, we were getting ready for the end-of-term test. One of the items on the oral exam is “Ask the teacher a question.” So to prepare them, the exit drill for my class was to ask me a question. I told them they could ask me ANY question they wanted.

Michael, my strongest student, asked me “What would you do if your girlfriend died?” I was a little taken aback since

a) I don’t have a girlfriend; and
b) it was a slightly morbid question.

“I’d cry,” I said. I thought nothing of this Q&A after that.

Later that afternoon, I was very surprised when Michael and his father came to see me. The father speaks English, had overheard our exchange at the exit drill, and was very upset with his son. He made Michael apologize several times. He explained to me that in China, such a question is like a curse–sort of like “may your girlfriend die!”

Michael also gave me a written apology which read:

Dear Jim,
I’m sorry I said “What would you do if your girlfriend die” to you this morning. Now I know it’s a curse sentence. So, from now on, I’ll never say the curse sentence to anyone because I want to be a good student.
Your student,
Michael

The father is a real good guy, and I think he was a little perplexed about why I wasn’t upset with his son. From the note, though, it seems that Michael didn’t know this was a “curse sentence.” And it certainly went over my head.

The Week in Teaching

From my youngest students to my oldest, this has been a good week at Shane English Yuxi. Below is a photo (taken on a TA’s mobile phone) of some of my kindergarteners. This class began about three months ago and it was rough at the beginning; there was at least one child crying every week. But now that we’ve all gotten to know each other, they are probably my most beloved kids.
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At the other end of the age spectrum, my 12 year olds continue to amaze me with their insight and abilities. This was what one of my students wrote in response to an assignment to write an essay using the target language “you should”:

Students these days often have a lot of worries. Sometimes, they have problems with their schoolwork and sometimes with their friends. What can they do about this? Problems and worries are normal in life. I think talking to someone will help a lot. Unless we talk to someone, we’ll certainly feel worse. If you talk to your parents, they will really understand. It’s best not to run away from problems. If you have a problem, you should talk to someone. Just like putting a plaster on a cut.

A Day in a Teacher’s Life at Shane English Yuxi

I teach a full load of eleven classes at Shane English Yuxi: four on Saturday, four on Sunday, and one each on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. It’s a pleasant and forgiving schedule, one that allows plenty of time to prepare for lessons and to experience life in this corner of Yunnan. Sundays are my favorite teaching day, since I have the greatest variety of age groups. This is how my work day went yesterday.

I got up at six and drank my usual two cups of coffee. The morning was chilly–in the mid-forties Fahrenheit–so I decided to walk to work rather than ride my bike. The morning sky was striped with beautiful pink-orange high-hanging clouds. The air may be horribly dirty in other Chinese cities, but here it’s clear and relatively unpolluted. I arrived at Shane a little before 8:00. As usual for a weekend, I was the first teacher in the building. My five colleagues drifted in by 8:10 and we began our day.

My 8:30 class was a group of eleven year olds. I know these students well, having just completed an earlier course with them. Today they were beginning the next-level course with a new text. As usual, they seemed very tired when I walked into the classroom; Chinese students work hard, even on the weekends. I started off class with a rousing game of hotseat to get them moving, posing first-person questions to the odd man out and third-person questions to the rest of the class. This group now knows enough English to write short personal essays, so to kick off the new material with something fun, I assigned a paper about what they and their friends like to do (which is the target language for the week) and imposed the additional requirement that their essays must include zombies. The students stared at me dumbfounded; apparently zombies are seldom included in their Chinese public school’s writing assignments.

My next class is a personal favorite: my twelve year olds. They’re my most advanced students and are a very verbal and good-humored bunch. To gain entry to my classroom, students have to answer a question in English. Today the entrance question was, “What did you do yesterday?” The replies went something like this:

Michael: I saw Nancy kissing Jack.

Nancy: I killed Michael.

Jack: I saw Nancy kill Michael.

After I called the roll, the students read their weekly essays aloud. My oldest student, Kevin, delivered a wonderful piece about how his mother always says that friends are like mirrors, but he disagrees: he thinks friends are like lamps. Pretty thoughtful stuff from a twelve year old writing in his second language! We then went on to new material and the introduction of adverbs: loudly, softly, well, badly, quickly, slowly, and so on. The class quickly grasped the concept.

Most of the teachers went to McDonald’s with me for lunch. We saw a number of students we had just taught, lunching with their parents. The young woman who served us was wearing a Santa dress. As we were finishing our meal, she brought us all complementary miniature ice cream cones.

Back at Shane, I kicked off my afternoon at 2:00 with a brand-new class of eight year olds. I spent the first half hour meeting with their parents, explaining the school’s procedures and expectations. One of our wonderful Chinese teaching assistants translated. After that, I had only an hour left to teach a lesson. The kids all seemed eager and cheerful. I think I’m going to have fun with them.

My last Sunday class started at 4:00. By then, I was feeling a little tired, but I always go into that class determined to use up every bit of energy I can muster. These students are the sweetest bunch of six year olds I’ve ever taught, and today’s class was particularly exciting. In previous weeks, we’ve gone through the phonetic sounds of the entire alphabet. Today it was time to put those lessons to good use and take a major step. I wrote A E I O U in a column down the center of the white board. On either side, I wrote columns of consonants. Then one by one I called each student up to the board and gave him or her a marker. “Ba,” I said, and Charlie, the first student, looked at the board, thought for a moment, and drew a line from the B in the left-hand column to the A in the middle. “Ag,” I said, and Charlie connected the A to the G in the right-hand column. I pointed to the letters and the lines he had drawn and held my breath. Charlie looked at the board and cocked his head. “Bag,” he said, with a little satisfied smile. And as far as I know, Charlie had just sounded out his first English word. The other students took their turns enthusiastically. I left the classroom at 5:40 feeling that a major milestone had been reached in my students’ lives . . . and mine. They are now really reading.

I was back home by 6:10, tired but satisfied and looking forward to Monday and Tuesday, which are my days off. Although I like my job a lot, having almost three days of me-time ahead is a wonderful thing to contemplate.

Last Day of a Great Class

Yesterday at Shane English Yuxi was the last day of class for my students in the first half of their first level of primary study. About half of the 14 students in this class have been with me since my summer Phonics class. Since they were my first-ever Chinese students, I feel especially proud of them. All of them passed the course with solid marks and now move on to the second half, which I will be teaching as well. These students are not only bright and enthusiastic–they are nice. They are nice to me, nice to my teaching assistant, Lillian, and nice to each other. This makes teaching them a joy.
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Going Hirsute for Charity

The foreign teachers at Shane English decided to raise some ‘stache for charity during the month of November. We each anted in ¥100 at the start of the month and agreed that if a razor touched any of our upper lips, its owner would have to pay another ¥100 fine. By November 30, my colleagues and I looked like a bunch of castaways, but we were able to make a nice donation to the local widows and orphans fund.
On the last day of the month, we all neatened up a little by agreement (though one of our team had an unfair advantage). Here we are:
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My Eleven Year Olds

Yesterday my eleven year olds finished the last class of the course. They’ve been with me this whole semester and have been a great group. I met with their parents and was happy to learn that all of them will be back with me for the next course.
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Yuxi University English Skits

Last night, I was honored to serve as a judge for a series of skits that were written and performed by English students at Yuxi Normal University.
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Most of the twelve performances I saw were well done. I was amused and interested by the American pop cultural references that popped up. It’s pretty funny to see a Chinese college student saying “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.”
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Perhaps because about 90% of the students were young women, most of the playlets concerned themes of love, marriage, and money. (These matters seem to preoccupy young Chinese women far more than their western counterparts.)
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The winning group, pictured below with their teacher and her son, did a madcap courtly love story inexplicably punctuated by commercials for milk and featuring a real chew-the-scenery death scene.
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Declaring War on Pink-Uh

One of the most common mistakes my students make in speaking English isn’t their fault. They’re just doing what they’ve been taught. But they’ve been taught wrong.

I call my battle to correct their errors The War on Pink-uh.

Nearly all of my students have learned the Roman alphabet and the basics of phonics by the time they start studying with me. Their well-meaning teachers have taught them “T sounds like tuh; P sounds like puh; and K sounds like kuh.” My students have learned these sounds very well–but unfortunately, they have learned them as voiced consonants, as I have written here. Little wonder, then, that as we work through the color words, we get hung up on pink:

Me: What color is it?
Student: It’s pink-uh.
Me: Pink.
Student: Pink-uh.
Me: No, not Pink-UH. Pink!
Pause
Student: Pink-uh
Me: [facepalm]

I spend more time trying to fix pronunciation of that word than any other. Oddly, my students rarely say “black-uh,” probably because it doesn’t require them to put two consonant sounds together.

So please, all you preschool and kindergarten teachers out there: T is not tuh, P is not puh, and above all, K is not kuh. Turn off the voice on those, would you?